In ashes, there is memory.
All flakes are reminders.
What was lost, what can be gained,
What messages you've forgotten
Until the land was scorched.
In your mind,
A thousand tidings,
A hundred yearnings,
A dozen hopes,
A handful of losses.
Where is the victory?
In this mind so bedraggled,
So caught up in ashes and waste.
In survival, which you strive for.
The gloom will not last,
The ashes will settle.
The land will be fertile.
Your mind will calm.
Think of your triumphs,
Do not wander or wallow.
Know there is light
Behind the ashen clouds.
A light that will shine on you,
A light to illuminate your accomplishments,
A li
I am alone;
Let me think.
What have I done this day?
What was yesterday's tale?
Was I alone then, too?
I am alone;
But am I lonely?
Have I let depression cripple me?
Have I been weighed down with dreariness?
Does the mire stem from loneliness?
I am alone;
Let me grieve.
When was I last wronged?
When did I last wrong myself?
Can I forgive my betrayers, myself included?
I am alone;
Let me recover.
Do I forgive myself?
Do I seize the time I have left?
Must I have a heavy heart?
I am alone;
Let me think.
I have done many things.
I have come to many conclusions.
I will prevail.
It gushes off him.
I am writhing,
Breathless,
Clutching at the sheets.
Please stop.
Please dream of sweet things.
I need the terror to end.
I am suffocating on his fear.
He lies oblivious,
Trapped in his nightmare.
I am trapped as well.
What a vivid morning.
My emotions are highlighted
Coloured streamers whirling through my mind;
All in high-definition,
All unalterable
And beckoning to me.
I give into them
With a wary, challenging abandon,
If only because I am alone
And there is no one about
To see my vulnerability.
I feel alone and segregated.
I am lapsing into a mire.
I am mixed up with joy:
For the crepuscular light is glorious
And I am glad to be alive.
I am exhilarated with my environs.
I am pleased with my insights.
I hate and loathe myself;
Though not as greatly as I love myself
On this vivid morning
Filled with birdsong
And reflection
Relief:
It shakes me,
Rocks me,
Devolves me
Into a quivering puddle
Of Gratitude.
I love him for
The brief respite
Of Fear and Dismay
I perpetually harbor.
I am not real
And I am not fair.
It is a delusion
To believe in me.
I am nothing but
A wisp of mist
Listing through your fingers.
Try to seize me with your needs
And my cold detachment
Will burn you.
I experience the world in spasms:
A spasm of trust,
A twitch of lust,
A curl of fear.
All swirl in my mind
And through my body.
I am endlessly shaking.
In the lone morning hours,
I shall reach out.
Will you be there?
I am cold
And know with an iron certainty
That only your heat will warm me.
I want your breath against my skin,
I want your flesh against mine.
I am in need.
Fulfill me.
In ashes, there is memory.
All flakes are reminders.
What was lost, what can be gained,
What messages you've forgotten
Until the land was scorched.
In your mind,
A thousand tidings,
A hundred yearnings,
A dozen hopes,
A handful of losses.
Where is the victory?
In this mind so bedraggled,
So caught up in ashes and waste.
In survival, which you strive for.
The gloom will not last,
The ashes will settle.
The land will be fertile.
Your mind will calm.
Think of your triumphs,
Do not wander or wallow.
Know there is light
Behind the ashen clouds.
A light that will shine on you,
A light to illuminate your accomplishments,
A li
I am alone;
Let me think.
What have I done this day?
What was yesterday's tale?
Was I alone then, too?
I am alone;
But am I lonely?
Have I let depression cripple me?
Have I been weighed down with dreariness?
Does the mire stem from loneliness?
I am alone;
Let me grieve.
When was I last wronged?
When did I last wrong myself?
Can I forgive my betrayers, myself included?
I am alone;
Let me recover.
Do I forgive myself?
Do I seize the time I have left?
Must I have a heavy heart?
I am alone;
Let me think.
I have done many things.
I have come to many conclusions.
I will prevail.
It gushes off him.
I am writhing,
Breathless,
Clutching at the sheets.
Please stop.
Please dream of sweet things.
I need the terror to end.
I am suffocating on his fear.
He lies oblivious,
Trapped in his nightmare.
I am trapped as well.
What a vivid morning.
My emotions are highlighted
Coloured streamers whirling through my mind;
All in high-definition,
All unalterable
And beckoning to me.
I give into them
With a wary, challenging abandon,
If only because I am alone
And there is no one about
To see my vulnerability.
I feel alone and segregated.
I am lapsing into a mire.
I am mixed up with joy:
For the crepuscular light is glorious
And I am glad to be alive.
I am exhilarated with my environs.
I am pleased with my insights.
I hate and loathe myself;
Though not as greatly as I love myself
On this vivid morning
Filled with birdsong
And reflection
Relief:
It shakes me,
Rocks me,
Devolves me
Into a quivering puddle
Of Gratitude.
I love him for
The brief respite
Of Fear and Dismay
I perpetually harbor.
I am not real
And I am not fair.
It is a delusion
To believe in me.
I am nothing but
A wisp of mist
Listing through your fingers.
Try to seize me with your needs
And my cold detachment
Will burn you.
I experience the world in spasms:
A spasm of trust,
A twitch of lust,
A curl of fear.
All swirl in my mind
And through my body.
I am endlessly shaking.
In the lone morning hours,
I shall reach out.
Will you be there?
I am cold
And know with an iron certainty
That only your heat will warm me.
I want your breath against my skin,
I want your flesh against mine.
I am in need.
Fulfill me.
Just to reiterate: I didn't draw this. My friend Armadox drew it. 'Cause I'm a gun-totin', mad scientist, half octopus super villain set on world domination! bohahahaha!
Current Residence: Pensacola, FL, USA Skin of choice: Mine
This is the coolest sheiza ever! Yet again another instance of finding out that one of my personality facets spawned itself and never let me know!! SONGS TO WEAR PANTS TO Can you dig it!?
So, I was going over some of my old blogs and I found all these cannibalistic things! and let me tell you, I haven't changed my opinion in over 2 years.
Written: July 1, 2005
Title: mop up that placenta with some corn bread and beans!
the parakeet (YES! this time... oh wait.. fricking A...) no, not the parakeet. the cockatiel (damnit, why do i always confuse those names? and no, i don't have parakeets anymore. they probably died or something. huh. i don't remember giving them away.... so i guess they died or something. you know, we've (as in the household) kept a dead bird in the fridge's freezer for YEARS now. i love remembering that. and